Category Archives: Pain

Domestic violence, sexual assault, rape. All things I’ve experienced.

And sadly, more than one in three women and one in seven men have too.

Today’s post is in honor of domestic violence awareness month. Whether you are one of those women or know someone who is, please let the tools shared below become a part of your life. Use them. As often as possible.

What we first need to understand is violence begins in the home and seeps into society. It affects our children, the workplace, communities and beyond. 44% of mass shootings between 2008 and 2013 were acts of domestic violence. And violence against women is the most pervasive yet least recognized human rights abuse in the world.

The Dalai Lama said, it is the western woman that will save the world. But when she is under attack, that’s going to be very difficult. I know this first hand having grown up in a violent household. The statistics are disturbing at best:

1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence, sexual assault or rape in their lifetime.

A woman is beaten every 9 seconds in the U.S.

Domestic Violence is the third leading cause of homelessness.

8,000,000 days of paid work are lost to women every year due to the violence perpetrated against them.

While we have much to do as a society, working on ourselves is a powerful place to initiate the transformation.

You can use the four pillars of M.O.J.O. to tap into your personal power right now:

M = Mindset

When you’ve been in an abusive situation, one of the biggest challenges is lack of self-confidence and believing more in your abuser than yourself. To turn your mind around, you first must acknowledge that something is wrong and then share it with someone. Anyone. Hiding and withholding keeps the abuse alive. Our thoughts are things and they become the actions we take or don’t take. When you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love. You’re worth it,” you are on the road to transformation. This free audio series is a great place to get more info and inspiration.

O = Oracle

The little discussed issue with abuse and domestic violence is something called disassociation. This is where you literally disassociate with your body because it’s been an unsafe place to be. And when you are not in your body, aka embodied, you have no power, no presence, no confidence. The fastest way to reconnect with your body is by deep belly breathing. Literally put your hand on your low belly and take slow deep inhales until you can make your belly full. Then slowly exhale. Repeat this as often as possible.

J = Join with Your Other Roles

When you’re in an abusive relationship, the dominant role you play in your life is that of the abuser. But the truth is that you are so much more than that. It’s crucial to turn the volume up on a different role. That could be the role of mother, if you have children, or the career role, or a creative role…like dancer, painter, poet. It might feel scary at first to assert yourself. To ease into it, create a book ended amount of time to take the other role out. Start with 30 minutes and work up to a few hours at a time.

O = Oasis

Your environment has a profound affect on how you feel about yourself. And when you are living in a home of abuse, it is most definitely not an oasis. However, you can take a step towards turning it into one. Create a space, even a small one, that can be your oasis. This could be a chair where you have a cozy blanket and you read, journal or sit for a few minutes of deep breathing every day. Or maybe you can turn a room into your oasis and make it your personal sanctuary with colors or items that begin to remind you of who you truly are. If you’re not able to do this at home right now, find a space out in the world. Could be a park you enjoy or a library or a café. Begin to surround yourself with healing environments.

When you tap into these four pillars of M.O.J.O, you get on the path to healing and creating possibility for yourself and your life.

Big love,

PS. I created the TAKE A STAND interview series for you so that you can hear from 22+ incredible and successful women and men who have all been through domestic violence, sexual assault or rape. Each conversation is all about who they chose to become and the tools that transformed their pain into power. In addition, there are community guides for starting your own listening group and ways for you to break your silence to step into your mojo power now. The series is free during the entire month of October. Have a listen and share with the women in your life. www.takeastandevent.com