The Real Purpose of Dating

You’re a smart, rational, educated and sometimes sassy lady. Yet, you find yourself regressing to a school girl dressed up in her princess outfit, tiara and all, convinced her Prince Charming is on his way, playing every silly little nuance that goes along with that childhood fantasy—and ultimately, you find yourself let down again and again and again.

Here’s the thing.

Dating is NOT about finding your Prince Charming.

That’s a big fat lie.

A lie that keeps you second guessing yourself—thinking you wore the wrong outfit, got the wrong haircut, you were too flirty, you weren’t flirty enough, you need to loose 10 pounds, you aren’t exciting enough, you don’t know how to keep a man’s attention—lack, wrong, bad.

It’s a lie that keeps you second guessing if there are any good men out there—thinking all the ‘good ones’ are gone or don’t exist, he has no style, he needs to loose 10 pounds (or more), he was boring, he was too pushy, he couldn’t carry an intelligent conversation, he ate with his mouth open—lack, wrong, bad.

The way you’ve got it, dating pretty much sucks.

But that’s not the way it has to be.

The REAL purpose of dating is exploration.

And yes you, fabulous lady, are out there on an expedition to check out the sights, smells, sounds, tastes and feel of mankind. When you approach dating from this place, it becomes a whole heck of a lot more fun.

From now on, use the M.O.J.O pillars to guide your exploration:

Mindset

First, there ARE good men out there. If this feels too far away for you and you balk at the idea, then I challenge you to look at your community. Is there ONE man you consider good? Think about it. I’m not going anywhere. OK! You got it?! Aces! Now, go spend some time with him. He could be your best friend’s husband. Go hang out with them. Have a meal. Go for coffee. Take a hike. The point is you want your senses to absorb his goodness and bear witness to the fact that it exists.

Oracle

Your body is a truth teller. It never lies and knows all. Use it as a gauge for what pleases you or doesn’t. When you’re on a date, make sure to really check with your body. Does it lean forward towards the man? Does your skin feel open and alive (like after a really great warm bath)? Are your muscles relaxed? Body posture naturally open? OR does your body lean backwards, away from the man? Does your skin feel contracted and closed? Jaw and/or pelvis tense? Your body knows if the man in front of you is a ‘yes, explore more’, or a ‘no, thanks for showing me what doesn’t work.’

Join with Your Roles

We’re all brought up to accentuate one or two sides of ourselves, while the rest of our qualities and self-expression get shoved in a closet. Next time you’re on a date, ask yourself who is showing up? Is it your professional self? Is it your inner child? Is it your sassy self? Is it your spiritual self? YOU have a choice of which role you bring to the dating table every single time. Play with this to discover the different experiences you encounter with the different roles. Then, when you do choose your man, he’ll cherish you even more because of your full self-expression.

Oasis

Do you get bummed out going to the chain coffee shop for first dates because it feels like a job interview? Stop going there and have your date meet you at the local joint that has your favorite chai latte. Do you love eclectic outdoor cafés because it feels like you’re on vacation? Share this tidbit with your date and let him surprise you with his listening skills when he takes you to a cozy café with tapas for two. Notice what kind of environments inspire you, share the info with your date and spend time in them.

So m’dear, remember—dating is exploration. When you come at it from this perspective, you open up all the possibility for a truly fulfilling relationship.

Big love,